I have missed writing posts on a regular basis for a while. It is not because I do not want to, but it is because I seem to just constantly stare at a blank screen and struggle to let the words flow. It is disheartening to think that I am somehow a better writer when I am heartbroken. Maybe heartbreak is my muse. Since there is no heartbreak in the horizon, I have to find something else to write about.
Today is a beautiful summer day and I decided to head out to the coffee shop, sit outside and force myself to write. I need to write, I need to find that muse again and find a way to let the words flow.
It has been months since I have been back from my last overseas trip and as much as I am ready to take off again, the reality of things are different. I struggled to adjust to being back here and trying to get into the routine of things. Even running turned out to be a chore, but I signed up for a few half-marathons and the Marine Corps Marathon again, which forces me to lace up and go run.
Besides that I have taken on the challenge of baking for 2 farmers markets on a Saturday, which means waking up to a blaring alarm at 4.3o am. I question my sanity for having taken on this challenge, then I realize, this is no longer a hobby, but a full-blown profession that I have taken on.
I stumble around in the dark, the only sound to disturb the silence is my feet hitting the cool wooden floors and the wind chime outside. I step outside to take a breath of fresh air and enjoy the coolness of the summer wind, while the oven heats up. I am not a morning person, but yet love early mornings when it feels like the rest of the world is still asleep and I am the only one who isn’t. It is easy to forget problems for that brief moment, while watching the sunrise in the distance.
Even though I could stand there enjoying the only quiet moment I might have for the day, I step inside to get into my baking routine.
When I agreed to take this on, it seemed simple. It was just a matter of doubling everything I make. I wish I could still call it simple!
It has turned out to be more challenging than I bargained for. Items popular at one market is not necessarily popular at the other, which in turn meant making different things for 2 markets and trying to do that on a weekly basis is not easy anymore.
There are plenty of times I have come close to calling it quits, because I just lack the motivation to keep doing it, but I talk myself out of it, because I don’t want to quit when things get tough and I never want to consider myself a quitter.
This is a dream I have been trying to pursue for a while and I have my share of stumbling blocks and constantly feel that I take 2 steps forward and I eventually find myself taking 3 steps back. I want to stay focussed, but the biggest stumbling block I seem to face is myself and the fear of failure.