Hope Springs Eternal

I seem to always have this tendency to live in hope, I guess the quote “where there is life, there is hope” seems to be somehow ingrained in my brain. When most people would have given up and moved on, I stay hopeful. Hope is what helps me keep going…I need hope and I am not ready to give up hope as yet.

As I put on my running shoes once again and pound the sidewalk for miles, I wonder, how do you mend a broken heart ? How do you ever get over a breakup ? What lessons can you learn when it comes to an end. I don;t even want to begin to think about the lessons that I have learnt this time around.

Heartbreak is something many or all of us have experienced at some point in our life. It is never easy to move forward, but that’s where hope comes in. I cling to hope as if its my lifeboat and at this moment it is my only saving grace, the one thing that keeps my sanity in tact and helps me move forward.

Right now the pain I feel is excruciating, I wish I did not hurt this much and I really want the pain to stop. Time goes by, it still hurts and I think, is time really on my side, because

they say that time heals all wounds, but all its done so far is give me more time think about how much I miss you”

As much as I live in hope, I live my life according to my experiences, I don’t trust easily and I am guarded. I feel deeply but most often I do my best to keep that part of me hidden away. I know you don’t understand where I come from most often, but I will be glad to tell you if you ask. I have my opinion and  frequently it does not match yours and that is ok. We are different people with different views about things and how we look at things, but sometimes we need to be flexible to look at things from another perspective.

I believe that love is infinite, and all that you love lives inside you and makes it almost impossible to explain to another the feeling deep within you.  I have tried to explain to you what is going through my head or heart, reasons for my actions, but it seems no matter how hard I try, you refuse to open up your mind to anything besides what you believe.

I know I am not perfect and never will be, I try not to let it get to me because I do the best I can with what I have and with what I know, which means the truth of what I believe is different to the truth that you believe. Sometimes I wonder why am I fighting this losing battle, then I look at pictures of you and I and the memories of things come flooding to me. I love you just the way you are, I refuse to stop loving you. Maybe one day in time, the love will fade away, along with the memories, but for now its burning within me.

I am by no means trying to change anything, do I want it to change, yes, I have no control over your emotions. As much as I try to break free and I know the logic of things demands I set you free, most often logic does not ever enter into the equation. If there was logic and reasoning I would probably not be heartbroken right now. Sometimes all of that takes a back seat for various reasons.

My heart refuses to stop loving the person who made me happy…have I ever told you that, yes you made me so very happy. We did have our moments of being temperamental, but nothing gave me greater satisfaction than seeing your face or being held in your arms after a long day. What I felt or feel is no lie, I wish there was a way to prove that.

I never give up on hope, what if you only have this moment in time, what will you do to make you leave nothing undone or unsaid, take that chance always.

It is hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone, when your heart still does.




About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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