I always enjoyed writing, at one time in my life I was even paid to write, then it fell by the wayside and I  did pick it up from time to time and only to fall off the wagon again. I have now once again picked it up, just as a medium to vent about my life. Signing for wordpress challenge should give me a good reason to sit in front of the computer and pour my heart out.

My  postings recently have been about betrayal and goodbyes and hope. As much as I want to write about something else, I am unable to move beyond being betrayed. ;

“Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you. Sometimes a good heart doesn’t see the bad”

I want to forgive, but mostly forget, but I know no matter how hard I try, I will never forget. How do you forgive when the person you love breaks your heart by betraying you to a so called friend. I now call that person my “frenemy”.

It was not just about breaking my heart, but he walked all over it and then took a knife to my already bruised heart. No matter how hard I try, it is there, constantly in my mind as to why the man I loved so much would run off with my frenemy.

I ask myself all the time, is it me ? What did I do to make someone hate me so much to want to do this ? There is never an answer to any of it. While I don’t deny I have to take responsibility to some extent in this whole saga, the decision to cozy up with my frenemy makes it almost impossible to even consider forgiveness.

As the days have gone by, I have been trying to work on forgiveness, I realized I am not ready for it as yet, will I ever forgive, I don’t know. After all they do say that time is a healer…..can time heal all wounds is question I cannot answer right now.

For now I take this opportunity to work on myself, not just on forgiving those who hurt me but as a time to focus on chasing my dreams…. As much as he takes up a lot of my thoughts of me wondering why, I need a distraction, what better than using that time constructively to work on myself.

So for the next 20 days as I type on the wordpress challenge, maybe I will use that time as a challenge to work on myself and post here about my daily progress on myself.