If only I had a time machine that I could step into, be transported back, that is where I want to go, to the top of the waterfall.  Sitting there smiling, happy that  I finally reached the top of Crab Tree Falls. The waterfall cascading down, the sun beating down on me, as I sit on a rock enjoying the wonderful Spring day.   I look over, there he is standing staring into yonder. My heart skips a beat every time I look at him, the love I feel overwhelms me and then a tinge of sadness crosses my face as I think about him leaving, him going away.

As I sit there enjoying that day, I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to enjoy being here with him as he holds my hand  so I could jump over an icy patch, this person who makes my heart skip a beat when he nearly missed  stepping on a stone.

I just can’t stop feeling happy. I don’t want this moment to end.

The 3-mile hike up to the top of the fall, with us laughing and me terrified every time I saw an ice patch and he holding my hand so I could jump over it. I felt safe, that he was there to catch me, all my fears and inhibitions just thrown out of the window at that moment…this is who I want to be with, I never wanted him to let go of my hand.

However, right now, my heart and head is in turmoil, why would that same person want to hurt me beyond words can explain.  I know, I can’t constantly think of the bad things or the hurt, the pain, the despair I feel. I want to think about the good times, maybe that is what I need in order to forgive and heal and move on.

He comes and sits next to me on the rock, we sit there in silence, basking in the beauty that surrounds us, the sound of the waterfall, the people around us, life could not be any better. Our biggest issue at that moment was, what should we have for lunch, what should we do for the rest of the day. Those were our biggest problems we faced that particular day.

We race back down, stopping from time to time to catch a glimpse of the waterfall, before we make it all the way down. Hand in hand we walk back to the car, silence between us, not an eerie quiet, but just lost in our own thought at that moment. Me not wanting that moment to ever end. oh what I will do be back atop that waterfall again with him beside me.

There is no time machine, there is no going back whatsoever, but I can for one day, dream of that day atop the waterfall.