Its less than 3 days, approx 70 hours… ok you get the gist of it, till my half marathon. I feel the adrenaline rush through me as I think about it and more so since I just ran 10 miles.
This is no longer about just finishing the marathon, now I obsess that I need to do better time than I did last year. Once my mind is set on something, I tend to get carried away and somehow find the determination to do it. I guess that is not a bad thing.
I realize that, this somehow might also be my downfall, I want everything to be right, at least my version of being right. Specially when it comes to cooking, because of how OCD I am, none of my friends or boy friend want to cook with me.
Unfortunately I have this insanely annoying habit of hovering and watching over their shoulders to ensure that whatever is being diced/chopped/cut is all the same size. Makes it hard for me to watch it being done incorrectly, at that moment all I wanna do is grab the knife and do it myself. As tempting as that may sound, I am trying to learn to let go and not expect everything to be done as per my opinion of perfection.
While cooking/baking at home with friends is somehow not too bad, because most often there might be a glass of wine involved during the cooking. However, being paid to ensure that everyone does things right at work is no easy feat, considering I might be the only person who is obsessed with it being right. To most it’s a job they get paid for, while it is also my job, I don’t know how to switch off and be ok with everything not being the same size and instead of taking a step back, I find myself wanting to do everything, which is very unrealistic.
But it is something I am learning as I go along, that while it is good to have standards, there are times I need to take a step back, take a deep breath and walk away.
Sorry I did not mean to digress, so back to running and training for my half marathon.
For a while I seem to struggle to run, I would force myself and I eventually even bought new running shoes looking for motivation. That somehow seemed to have worked, well it might be the shoes or the fact that I have too many friends supporting me and believing in me, making it possible for me to go on.
Being able to do one 10 mile run was a feat in itself for me. There are days I leave home with the intention of running 10 miles, but 6 miles into it, I hear my stomach rumble or my body refusing to keep going, eventually retracing my steps back home, feeling disappointed with myself for not having accomplished what I set out to do.
The fact that I did it, takes a weight off me.
As the clock clicks and I can actually countdown the hours to me running 13.1 miles, the excitement is starting to build. I maybe excited, but I am also nervous about all the what ifs, then I tell myself, I did this once before and crossed the finish line and lived to tell that tale, so why would I not do the same again.