The sun has not peeked for the last few days and the gloomy dreariness continues and I feel like Winter is mocking me. After all August disappeared with a blink of an eye, with abundance of sunshine and me being outside enjoying it and it seems September has brought lots of rain and dreariness.

I don’t dislike rainy days, I enjoy watching the rain come down while sitting by my window with my computer…it makes me nostalgic and sometimes reminds of being a kid back  home, where the roads would be so flooded we would frolic while wading through it.

However, the last few days with the rain coming down non-stop gave me cabin fever, I wanted to go out for a run….I have a tendency of wanting to run whenever I feel antsy. It makes me feel free for that hour of running.  I wonder could I be addicted to running ?

When I did a half marathon last year, a few friends told me that I would get hooked on it the runners high, they said. I laughed at that notion, who can get hooked on running, i.e., punishing yourself, that definitely was not me.

Today, here I am on a cold gloomy day, waiting to leave work so I can run. I worked 9 hours and I was exhausted, staying at home, curled with a book or Netflix sounded like a perfect evening, but instead I come home, put on my running shoes and plan to run 4 miles, which eventually turned into 8 miles.

When I initially start, my mind, my body, my legs, don’t want to co-operate, all it says is go home ….but eventually my brain switches off and my legs mechanically keep going. I never realize how far I have gone or for how long, till something snaps inside me, bringing me back to the present.

I like the feeling of the wind blowing in my face, my hair drenched in sweat stuck to me, my music just playing in my ears. Most often I don’t hear the music, it’s a form of distraction, but there are moments, a lyric will catch my attention, making me want to listen more carefully.

Today this was the song that got my attention.

My legs buckle at certain words in the song, I want to stop running and pay more attention, but I know, there might be tears mixed in with the sweat and I don’t need that anymore. The song finally ends and I continue running and I hope that one day I would have outrun the pain and hurt I feel. Till that day comes, I will run and continue to sign up for half marathons and marathons and use that as a way to ease my pain.