What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you
Chris Isaak – Wicked Game
I am driving on the highway when this song comes on and for no reason I find tears streaming down my face. I wish I could understand why I am feeling emotional. Maybe I feel overwhelmed by everything I am trying to do now, even though I should be just excited about my upcoming trip to see my best friend.
The days seem to go by and I just immerse myself into everything and anything I can do to keep myself busy. I don’t want time on my hands, which would mean thoughts of him will surface. To make sure, I have good days, I keep going all day till my energy is drained and all I want to do is crawl into bed and fall asleep with no thoughts of him.
The good days have been on the rise and today was no different, I worked nine hours, headed out to get some errands done, then a 9 mile run, which to me is a wonderful day. However, for a moment I seem to have this paralyzing fear, that thoughts are of him are going to come flooding and I don’t know how to stop it.
I do not want to shed tears for someone who hurt me so badly. “What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way”, the words stay on repeat in my head, the lyrics to this song keeps going on and on in my brain, refusing to stop. I realize that it is the lyrics to this song that triggered thoughts of him today. I want to scream, asking it to stop taunting me…. but I can’t control it.
The cursor is blinking, while I sit here, lost in my world, not knowing what to write. There is so much I want to say, but where do I begin. Maybe that story is for another time and another day, for today, the song continues in my head and I have no energy to fight it !