It has been another day where the sun refuses to shine, instead there is more gusty winds and rain pouring down. I feel so confined now, all I really want to do right now is go run. It seems like it has been weeks since I last ran and I feel uneasy and on edge and maybe a run will help me. Despite my dislike of the cold, I feel tempted to brave the wind that mother nature is sending us and put on my running shoes.
However, when I take a peek outside my window, I see winds blowing so hard that I decided maybe it is no time to tempt fate with a run.
On rainy days most people would want to sit in front of the TV and watch endless amounts of mind numbing shows, at this moment that sounds like a wonderful idea, unfortunately for me, my tablet that I watch my shows on has decided not to work, which in hindsight gives me more time to write and read and not be hooked on TV shows.
Considering running is out of the question and watching TV is not an option, I decided maybe I should instead head to the kitchen and create my storm. Of course there is endless amounts of things I could find to do, but I want to do something which gives me some joy.
Whenever I travel to some place new I always pick up something random to cook/bake with. During this trip I brought back some green tea powder for baking. This seemed like a good time, to put on my apron, turn the oven on and start baking.
“You made your mark, here in my heart. One day I’ll fly away, leave your love to yesterday, what more can your love do for me, When will love be thought with me ?” plays in the background.
The sifted flour and green tea powder is set aside, while I start whisking the eggs and sugar etc, and I wonder when I will I able to fly away and leave his love to yesterday ? It is a question I constantly ask myself. I don’t know why I struggle so much with it. Maybe it is just the way he hurt me or maybe it is just how much I opened up myself and let someone deep into my soul.
I stir, mix and bake, while I continue pondering on my question. The tray is now in the oven and I can sit at my computer to start writing. They say, “It’s easy to take off all your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams….Now that’s being naked” maybe that was my downfall.
I will never know the answer, because he is too selfish to tell me. He has no idea that he took a part of me when he chose the cowardly way or what he has done to me. I am not the person I was and I probably never will be. ” When will I begin, my life again ? One day I will fly away and leave his love to yesterday.