A few days ago someone asked me what was the most memorable thing about my summer that did not involve running or baking. I had to take a while to think about it and unfortunately I realized that the highlight of my summer involved getting over heartbreak and it all involved running and baking. It was probably a response he did not want to hear nor one that I wanted to give.
It made me sad that I had wasted away my summer, my favorite time of the year, moping over someone who hurt me so badly. This thought made me realize that I did not want to waste my winter away in the same fashion.
Moving on doesn’t mean you forget about things. It just means you have to accept what happened and continue living.
It turns out besides nursing a broken heart, running and baking were the only things I could talk about in the summer. Yes there was the trip which involved kayaking, a trip to the West Coast, but that involved running too.
As I sit here typing this post, I wonder, is it normal to spend that much time nursing a broken heart, specially one that was broken into splinters ?
I will always remember the summer of 2014, as the year that made me a different person, as the year that I put up walls so thick around myself, that there was no way anyone was going to break it and mostly as the year that made me re-evaluate every friendship I had. Yes, I will always remember the Summer of 2014 for all that but I will also remember it as the year that running became a huge part of my life.
While broken hearts do happen to most of us, if not all of us, I decided I can’t let that be the defining factor of my year or my life. There will always be that scar from it, but I want to remember the achievements, the little things that made me happy. Crossing the finish line to 4 half-marathons, learning to love running so much that I constantly say it saved me.
I know it seems odd that I would say running saved my life, but in a strange way it did. It helped me keep my sanity intact, when I was at my lowest point in life, I would put on my running shoes and go outside and run and run and run. Yes, there were times tears were streaming down my face while I ran for miles, there were times I ran in the rain, I ran in 100 degree temps, no matter what, I ran. There were days my heart was so heavy with hurt and pain that I wanted nothing more than to sit in a corner and cry my heart out, but yet I forced myself to go run.
As I sit here in my favorite coffee shop typing this post, reminiscing about the summer it makes me teary eyed. There are moments I miss him, moments I want to tell him what I did, all my running and I know he will be proud of me. I know he broke my heart and I have no doubt he knows he broke my heart, but yet, he will be proud to see what I have achieved. After all, I believe we did have something special and that is why I hurt the way I do.
But summer is now over, winter is here, it is time to put that summer to rest and focus on what Winter will bring me and look forward to the next summer. Maybe this broken heart will be mended next summer and my heart will soar again…. but till then I will continue to run and focus on that full marathon I am going to run next year.
Time does heal broken hearts and to the person who broke it this summer, I may have lost you in the summer, but thanks to you, I found running and myself and I am thankful for that.
This one is for you J.H.