I want to write about running, baking, travels, love and every happy thing that is going on in my life, but it seems I can’t get a cohesive sentence about any out it out of me. It seems I am stuck on the pause button of heart-break. I know, I know, I was not supposed to write about any of that, but some days it is beyond me, I blame it on the rain (just like Milli Vanilli did)…. yes it is not my fault, it is the fault of the endless rain, putting me in such a pensive mood.
This morning I woke up to the pitter patter of rain against my window, I realized there goes my plan for running 10 miles over the weekend. I instead sat curled up watching Netflix. One episode of Locked Up in America, was enough to make me grab my jacket and head outside.
My favorite seat maybe taken, but I am instead forced to perch in a different corner and indulge in my favorite pastime on a rainy day, that is people watching. I sit here sipping on my coffee trying to do some research on my upcoming travels, however, I am distracted as usual by the hustle & bustle around me.
While I sit here, a friend I have not seen for a while wanders over. Our conversation eventually turns to my blog and he says to me that some of my posts moved him. “Your story made me feel pretty sad, I can’t remember ever feeling in love as you made it sound like you were at that moment in time”.
He is right, I was in love like I never was before ever, but unfortunately, not every love story has a happy ending, but that definitely is how life works out. But I take every experience as a lesson at being a better me.
Maybe it was that conversation that triggered thoughts of my ex today and the inability to write all the things I wanted to. As much as I thought I would not think about him, there are days that thoughts of him would cross my mind. I am no longer the angry bitter person I was. I am slowly but gradually getting myself back again. But at least I know there is hope that it will happen.
As cliché as it sounds that time is a healer and as much as you refuse to accept it when you are hurting and feeling let down, reality of it is that time indeed does heal broken hearts.
So as time goes on, if there is one thing I have come to understand is that given sufficient time, I will learn to open up again. It is not easy and there will be days that I go 2 steps back for every 5 steps I have taken forward, but at least I will keep marching ahead.
“Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”