I wish

As much as I try, there are moments I find it hard to move on from what happened.  There are those moments when it hits me and it hits me hard and makes me angry and sad.  I just want to think of ways to make it go away. Just go away, I scream at myself. I want that part of my brain to shut down and spare me the pain.

I’m not angry over things ending, I’m angry and upset over the fact that a little bit of me was killed. I am no longer the person I used to be. The trust and faith I had in people was taken from me and that is what hurts. I struggle to get that part of me back again. I want that part of me back again.

Does that even make sense ?  I want my old self back, so I can love again. 


About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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13 Responses to I wish

  1. You are same like the guy whom i love…as his ex betrayed him….he dont trust anyone and even he dont believe in love even…but i believe one he will regain his faith over love….nd he will be the same person he was rather a better person…so same goes with you

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is hard to move beyond betrayal, but time does heal. If you are patient with the guy who you love, he will learn to love and trust again. It is a matter of learning to open up our hearts to love and that every person out there is not out to hurt us.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Hmm thank you…you are the first person to say something positive….as my friends are telling to leave and stop wasting time….but yupe mam…i will be patient till the last thank you

        Liked by 1 person

      • Leaving is never the solution. If you love him enough, you need to stay and show him that you are not his ex and that you are a better person. He will eventually come around, just give him time to heal and open his heart to love.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hm…i dont know you….but seriously your advice is of great help….i just wanted someone to encourage me nd tell me that i am right…


      • You are welcome and glad that I could offer some insight. At the end what will be will be. But I know how hard it is to open up to the idea of loving and trust once you have been betrayed. This is from my personal experience and having someone who understands that is the only way we will beat it. Hang in there, running away is never the solution. The reward will be worth it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hm….i just want him to be happy
        ….i know its not at all easy for him or you…but its necessary to move on..


  2. Jim says:

    Trust is a difficult thing to regain Tania. JD

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It makes perfectly good sense. I have that struggle. When trust is betrayed it is hard to trust again. Everything that everyone says is suspect, even the people that have not betrayed you. I want my old self back again also. You know the freely trusting self.

    Liked by 2 people

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