I’m no heartbreaker

“Sometimes, its not the song that makes you emotional, it’s the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.”

My eyes glisten with tears when I hear this song.  I am no heartbreaker ! At least I would not intentionally break any hearts.

I play the song over and over again, listening to the words and wishing that I could feel what I should for the person who sent it to me.   If there is one thing I have learnt is that the heart wants what it wants and no matter how hard we try, there is nothing we can do to change our feelings and how we feel towards people.  There are people you meet that within 5 minutes you know that they are going to be friends and nothing more and then there are others within 5 minutes you know you want to know everything about them and your heart skips a beat just looking at them.

You must wander where I am going with this post, so let me give you a little back story to this post.

I have a few friends, if I look closely, it seems most of my good friends are males, we talk about anything, religion, politics, relationships, thoughts, dreams, ideas, but to me they are friends.  I care about them, but my heart does not skip a beat or lurch forward when I see them and neither does my knees go weak for them.

However, it turns out one of them suddenly decided he wanted something more, therefore he sent me the song along with a note to tell me how his heart skips a beat when he see’s me and all the clichéd stuff that goes with emotional feelings. I want my friendship to continue as before, but it seems like I am going to be a heartbreaker.

Those who have been reading my blog know, that my heart has been broken, I have been betrayed and the last thing I would want to do is to break someone’s heart. So how do I tell my friend of years that my heart feels differently and I don’t feel the same way ?

Right now all I have is I am sorry.

About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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