We all talk about how honest we are and how we want people to be honest with us, but in reality it somehow comes down to honesty is not always the best policy.
People constantly question others about why you hurt them or why you are hurt and then you tell them the truth as you see it, but most often that does not go down the right way, because they could not handle the truth. I am no exception to that rule, I like to think that I am absolutely honest and speak my mind (let’s not ask my ex boy friend for confirmation of that) but the truth is I know despite how I look at myself, I tend to stretch the truth sometimes to spare someone the hurt or pain.
Let me digress for a few with background story – a few days ago a friend who constantly flakes on me did it again, despite assurances after my having told her I don’t spend time with her because of that. Fast forward a few months, she does it again. This time I decide I am done with my friendship and it’s time to sever ties. However she sends me a text asking me if I was upset with her and I replied telling her the truth, which was, that I am frustrated with the constant back and forth with plans and I dislike it. I like to make plans and stick to it. It turns out she did not like my honesty that she did what I believe is what most teenagers probably do, she unfriended me on Facebook.
Fortunately for me, my life does not revolve around FB or the number of friends I have. I use it just to post my photographs and a way to keep in touch with a few friends, therefore it did not bother me. No, let me rephrase that, her un-friending me did not bother me, but her childish behavior of not talking about it bothered me. I believe she did it because she could not handle the truth of what I told her.
I am not trying to get on a pedestal of honesty or morality, because I understand we all have our moments of weakness and make promises we sometimes can’t keep and I have no doubt there are times I have over promised and under-delivered. But for the most part I try not to be that person. I try to do my best to be honest and open, because I have learnt that one lie spirals out of control and it becomes such a big lie that we have dug a hole so deep, we cannot climb out of it.
Well getting back to where I was, I am probably no better than anyone else about handling the truth. Recently someone called me high-strung and I was aghast at that thought and refused to believe it. (In my defense I am not high-strung) If he called me impatient, strong-headed, stubborn, I would have whole heartedly agreed with him. I don’t know why, somehow high-strung has a negative connotation to it and I had to actually ask a few of my close friends if they agree with this statement.
Fortunately for them or me, they all disagreed with that sentiment, they claim that I am easy-going, but sometimes too energetic, and that someone who does not know me could construe that as high-strung. However, they all agreed that when it came to food, that I could be a tad bit OCD and obsessive about wanting things to be perfect. It probably is never perfect, but at least I know it is not for the lack of trying on my part.
I constantly claim that I want to hear the truth, but someone tells me the truth as he see’s it and I refuse to accept that it is his idea of the truth about me. While being called high-strung upset me, what upset me more as days went by was that I could not graciously accept his opinion and would have preferred if he had not been honest about his opinion.
We all claim we want to know the truth and that we tell the truth, but somehow most often truth gets soft peddled if the truth involves hurting someone’s feelings. So I ask, is honesty the best policy or do we need to be a bit dishonest to avoid hurting people we care for ?