In the last few weeks I have struggled to put down a cohesive sentence together. There seems to be a constant steady stream of thoughts flowing through my head whenever I am running or doing the most mundane thing. However, I sit down at the computer and those thoughts refuse to flow and I sit staring at the blank screen.
Right now I try to recount all that has happened since my last post. It seems everything that could go wrong was spiraling out of control in my life. Nothing earth shatteringly serious to those looking in, but to me it seemed like that. However looking back now its making me feel inane.
I am sure we all experience those days where we should have not left the bed. That is not because we are lazy, but because everything that could go wrong went wrong. As much as I wish I could say it was just one day, it was more like a week of that for me.
No matter how beautiful the day starts off, the minute I head out from work and decide to go for a run, the rain would could down. My new German friend had offered to take me on a motorcycle ride and of course the minute I head out to meet him, the rain comes pouring down. While I have no control over mother nature and her menopausal behavior, I feel slighted by it.
After days of this pattern, the sun finally shines and I go for a much-needed long run bursting with ideas for dinner. However, once I head home, being clumsy as I am, I drop my phone in the water. Considering I am one who choses not to use iCloud or iSpace, iLose everything on my iPhone.
I scramble trying to figure out what I should do, not having a phone feels like a limb has been cut off from me and somehow seems like I have lost my connection to the outside world. I cave in and buy a new phone, of course not before I pull my hair out for being clumsy or before I try all the tricks I have heard, such as throwing your phone in some rice.
A bank account minus a few hundred dollars, a brand new phone in my hand, and I feel relieved knowing I am back in touch with everyone and that I can start planning for my next half marathon.
After all the insanity in the last few days, I feel a tinge of excitement about going away for a weekend, which includes running 13.1 miles. To some or most it might seem not much of a weekend getaway, but to me, its exciting.
As much as I wish I could say that run went without any hindrance, the outcome is different. I get to the start line with the other 600 odd people, standing there in the cold (Yes Mother Nature was still being menopausal) Off we go and I start to feel the rain come down. I can run in the cold or so I say to myself, but rain pouring down, not my idea of a fun run.
I try not to think too much about rain or cold, but the hilly roads don’t do much to motivate me to keep running. I try to look around at the rolling hills, the cows grazing in their fields, the lush greenery around me hoping it would help. I keep telling myself I can do this, I can’t quit, I have to do this. But with every step I take, I feel every ache in my leg. Every mile feels like 5 miles, every step I take downhill makes me cringe. At the end I wasn’t sure if it was the rain I felt on my face or the tears streaming down for the pain I was feeling.
Despite all the odds against me, I still continue to go refusing to give up. There were moments I hated myself for not giving up but no matter how much I tried, I just could not muster the strength to say, iQuit.
Maybe it is inbuilt in me, no matter what, be it good or bad, I have to cross that finish line, I have always have a burning desire to to see things to the end.
So despite the weather, the hilly roads and pain in my leg, 2 hours and 40 minutes later, I crossed the finish line to the 13.1 miles. It might have been the longest run I have ever done and the most painful, but for me it is all about getting to the end and never giving up.