I sit shaking in my car, unable to move for a few minutes in shock. All I want to do is burst into tears and not move and just sit there crying. But instead I unbuckle myself and attempt to get out of my car. The door is jammed and I cannot get out. I am terrified to get out and look at my car, because I already have a sense of how bad it is.
Even though I should be grateful that I am unhurt and walking away without a scratch on me, I am upset that my car is absolutely damaged. If I were a believer of guardian angels, I will have to say I may have one watching over me.
How did this weekend that started off in the typical way go so awry ? Should I have listened to that nagging feeling in my head which kept telling me to crawl back into bed this morning or is this just fate, Kismet, destiny ? Whatever it may be, whatever I say, the fact is that I met with an accident and it changed my life a little bit.
This is the first time I have ever been an accident and I really have no clue what I should do. I know that everyone is ok and no one was hurt, which is the most important thing at this time.
I look at the damage on my car and I am just thankful that I lived to tell this tale. They say it takes a split second for an accident to happen and unfortunately I can testify to that. One minute I am driving, traffic is flowing, next traffic is stopped and everyone is stepping on their brakes, I step on my brakes, but a second too late maybe, airbags deploy, hit me in my face, I hit the SUV in front of me and the front bumper falls off and I wish I could recall all the thoughts that went through my head at that moment.
As a friend told me, maybe the world is trying to tell me something. This was my reply, can the world instead send me a text, email or even a snail mail, instead of sending me a not so subtle message which I am yet to unravel. Maybe there was a subtle message when a tiny crack in my windshield turned into a long crack and maybe this accident was fates way of getting my undivided attention. Ok world you definitely have my attention now !
Yes I can go back and forth debating about the most nonsensical things right now, but I suppose the important thing is subtle message or not, that I walked away unhurt from this.
I stand around for 2 hours in almost 100 degree temp, on the phone, dripping in sweat, with shaking hands trying to answer all the questions my insurance company choses to ask me, waiting for the police to show up and a tow truck.
My mind is racing with so many things, but the hardest part is trying to control the tears that want to start flowing.
I call a friend who races to help me out and stay with me while my car is towed and paper work is done. We stand around not saying much, because no words can console me or ease my wondering mind.
The screen of my new phone is shattered, fortunately these are just things that can be replaced.
The last few weeks have been stressful, I have these thoughts of wanting to move back home or the place I used to call home more than 10 years ago. It has been a constant debate in my head. Why I want to move, is definitely another post for another day.
As hard as it is to see a positive side to things at moments like this, I am trying not to dwell on the negative. But since I constantly try to see the glass half full part, I see that I will get a lot of bike riding in and more time to run and most importantly that people I call my close friends are really my close friends and that in time of trouble, no matter what they are just a phone call away.