I recently shared this blog with a friend. Because I value my private thoughts to such a great extent that me sharing this with people I know is very rare. There are three friends who read this is and the rest are strangers scattered around the world.
My friend after reading it said to me that I seem to share very personal thoughts. I agree most often it is about my thoughts and demons that I seem to be battling. After all I did start this blog to mend a broken heart and wrote about it for d
ays, weeks, ok I admit it, I wrote about it for months. The heart has now been mended, for the most part due to the writing.
However, one thing I have learnt through writing this blog is that I am no fiction writer. I have tried my hand at fiction and I somehow never seem to be able to put a cohesive sentence together. I sit down to write something fictional, but words constantly fail me, where as if I am writing something I’ve experienced, the thoughts and words seem to flow easier.
When I was writing all those endless posts about heartache, not for a minute did I think about sharing my innermost thoughts with those who read it. When I was not running or baking/cooking, I sat at my computer and pecked away at the keys as a way to take away the hurt and pain I was feeling. I was using writing as a way to numb myself and release every thought that was flowing through my brain. It did not matter who read it, it was my release and I wanted it to set me free. I was hoping that writing it on here, was going to make the go away and for the most part it did.
Now that I am no longer hurting the same way, sharing my thoughts has become harder to do. I sit at the computer most days, lost for words, feeling like the mended heart has taken away my words too and I seem to want to weigh every thought that I type on here.
After my friend’s comment, I went back and read almost every post I had on here and I feel aghast that I bared so much of my soul.
However, a year later, I feel more reluctant to write about my thoughts that are flowing and I am more concerned about my privacy, which probably explains the lack of posts on here. There are so many thoughts floating through my brain, but every time I start to write, I realize that maybe I am saying too much and I need to draw the line somewhere… but where do I draw that line ? Sometimes I find that the line I draw seems to be in the sand and I censor myself, but yet reveal a little of my heart and soul. After all no matter what, I am no fiction writer and baring my soul is what helped me through difficult times and for that I will always be grateful.
So I ask you, where is that line you draw, how much of your soul do you bare on here ?