It has been weeks since I have sat down to write. The thoughts for posts constantly float in my head, however, sitting down to put it down on here has been the challenging part. I wish I could say I was off traveling the world, hiking up a mountain or jumping off a perfectly good plane or busy being swept off my feet that finding the time to write has been hard to come by. Unfortunately it is none of it, life somehow has recently seemed like a roller coaster ride that never seems to end.
I seem to be going from one thing to another every single day, leaving me drained at the end of the day with little energy to read or write. Working 5 days a week for 9 hours and then heading home to bake up a storm has drained me.
Today I finally took a long drive. I just needed to feel the wind in my face, while the music drowns all serious thoughts in my head and I dream about sitting on beach somewhere sipping a margarita and watching the waves with no care in the world. I dream of days with no worries about waking up to an alarm, no baking disasters or oven disasters that need to get averted or about colleagues not showing up to work…. I just dream of lazy days.
I sing off-key to the music that is playing on my iPod. This is probably the only time I could sing my heart out and not worry about who would be listening to my off-key singing. Every song that plays somehow helps me reminisce about something or someone. I even think about my ex when I hear this song. I remember him playing this song to me.
Thoughts of him are never good, it takes me down memory lane and my heart always feels a tinge of sadness. I try to think of the good times, which we had. I start thinking of the first half marathon I ran which was with him and how I will run that same half marathon again. I told myself that I will keep running that same race till thoughts of him no longer make me sad or make me think of him.
The thoughts of running remind me that I just registered to run my first full marathon this fall. This was my new year resolution, however, after signed up for it, I feel overwhelmed and constantly question myself if I am ready to run 26.2 miles. While baking I listen to endless podcasts about running, hoping that I can pick up some tips on running a full marathon. A friend recently told me that I am a glutton for punishment. While I might have to agree with her on that, I thrive on pushing myself and challenging myself on a regular basis.
As much as I question myself and my ability to run a full marathon, I believe that if I keep saying ‘I can do it, I can do it’ that I will actually be able to do it. Worse case scenario, I will have the ability to say tried, I failed, but there is always another race I could attempt. My goal as always is just crossing that finish line.
The songs continue to play, as I continue to drive with the wind in my face. 2 hours of driving with no real care is just what I needed. I feel like I am ready to continue my roller coaster ride at least for now. Next time I have an overwhelming need for peace and quiet, I suppose it would be another long drive with nothing but me, my dreams and some music to sooth my soul.