I stare at the half packed bag on the floor. If I were a planner or organized the bags would probably be packed and ready for my forthcoming trip, but sadly I am most often neither. I shop for gifts right till the last few hours, mostly because I hate shopping but this time it was because I just seem to have a lot of things going on making it impossible to focus on shopping.
Even though I should be packing, my mind is occupied with other thoughts. I just received a letter containing 15 pages (yes fifteen pages) from my friend. (read post here) One would think that she was writing the letter to make amends, however skimming over the letter made me realize that ending my friendship was the right decision on my part.
In her letter she makes so many false accusations of me and then goes on to tell me how she appreciates my friendship with her, leaving me confused as to why someone who has a list of my shortcomings would want to continue to be friends with me ?
I want to pack, but I am unable to focus on that, I instead chose to head to the kitchen and bake and hopefully get some of the frustration I am feeling out of the way.
I rummage through my baking stash trying to figure out what I could make and pull out a half used bag of ground almonds, a bag of chocolate, eggs, sugar and the lonely lemon that sits on the counter and get started with the baking of a lemon almond cake with chocolate.
While I whisk egg yolks and sugar, my mind is churning back to the letter. I debate if I should read the whole letter or just toss it in the trash and not give it a second thought. Do I really wanna know every thought she has to say about me ? A friend suggests that I toss the letter in the trash and not give it a second thought, but it is easier said than done. A little part of me is curious as to what more she has to say.
So I put the cake in the oven and settle to read the letter. I feel nostalgic for the loss of a friendship that has spanned over 10 years, but I realize that being friends with someone who seems to take great joy in pointing fingers at me is not going to be a healthy friendship.
After reading the letter all I want to do is sit down and type out a reply and point out all the facts that she has got wrong, but I realize going down the road trying to explain myself would be a futile effort. Because some people just prefer to blame others and never take responsibility for their actions.
I’ve realized that no matter how badly you want to fix things somethings are not worth fixing and I need to let go. We may have been friends for over a decade but it is time to cut my loses and move on and enjoy the friends I have and those who understand that I am not perfect but accept me and my shortcomings.
I take the letter, tear it into pieces, throw it into the trash and head to the kitchen and eat a piece of cake. No matter what kind of day I may have had, baking seems to always have a way of solving all my problems.