The fan whirls over me on a hot and humid Saturday morning trying to give me a sense of cool air while the birds chirp outside and the pastries bake in the oven. I am starting to feel nostalgic as I look around the apartment almost empty of furniture but strewn with boxes. I feel a little forlorn when I think that my time at the farmers market is also coming to an end.
Despite my nostalgia and sadness, I have decided that I am not going to let it get to me. I made a conscious decision about leaving and moving and I have to stay focused on that, even though I am unsure where my next destination will be.
For now, I know things will be in storage while I go wonder the world and get my ‘travel the world bug’ taken care of. I have always fantasized about being free and traveling the world for few months with no worries about an apartment, car, job or meeting deadlines. I know it seems rather extreme and for a while I was questioning my sanity.
Leaving this apartment I have lived in for the last 4 years is going to be bittersweet. I remember walking through these doors the first time with my then boy friend and telling him that I don’t like this apartment because there was no natural light coming in. However, eventually we decided that having a washer and dryer and not climbing 50 steps to the 3rd floor was better than some natural light coming in. We moved in and eventually broke up, and I was left in this apartment I was not enjoying but was too much in a rut to get out of.
Fast forward a few years and they want the apartment back forcing me out of my comfort zone and making me rethink everything I have known. I could go buy a place or rent another place and continue to be in my rut, however, I decided that it was time to take control of my life and shake things up and do something different.
Like Sam Cooke croons ” it’s been a long, a long time coming, but I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will.’
My friends and family tried talking me out of this extreme decision, but eventually decided to let me make my decision. The people I work for are still in denial about my leaving, they think it is some crazy phase I am going through and refuse to accept that I will be soon be gone and therefore need to find someone to replace me.
Typically I would be stressing and worried about everything, but I have decided I am going to enjoy this time and when am done exploring the places I want to, I will get back to the real world which involves deadlines and paying bills and being a worker bee.
Change is not easy and all these years the fear of change kept me rooted and in a rut but now it is time to go make the change happen and enjoy what it will bring.