Home no longer feels like home

I stand at the departure gate in Germany  with a heavy heart. Just the thought of going back to reality doesn’t seem so promising at this moment. The long 9 hour flight and the 5 hours of waiting for my next connection is plenty of time to adjust to the thought of being back. No matter how much I try, I can’t seem to find anything positive about getting back.

I survive the long flight and hope to breeze through Immigration, however,  staring at the stoney faced officer for 40 minutes while I stood in line, made me realize breezing through was a highly unlikely scenario, specially taking into account the current political situation here. Despite the Immigration Officer saying ‘welcome back home’, I don’t feel very welcome at this moment. The 10 minutes of interrogation on where, why, who I went with and what I did, doesn’t make me feel at home, it makes me feel like a visitor, in the place I have adopted to be home.

At the end of the 10 minute interrogation, I had so much I wanted to say to him, but I held back because orange is not my favorite color plus writing this from a jail cell didn’t seem too tempting.

I walk in circles at the airport trying to kill time for my next flight, only to notice that due to the weather my flight has been cancelled. After hours of going back and forth, they decide to put me on a flight that is landing at an airport 2 hours from where I should be. Fortunately I have some friends who agree to pick me up from there.  The waiting begins, the plane is on its way, the plane is here, the plane is having technical difficulties and on and on it goes. So almost 8 hours after I was supposed to leave, we finally take off.

Just when I thought that I had finally faced the worse part of the trip, I am told that they forgot to load my bags on that flight. Maybe I should just take a flight back to some other destination, since coming home is taking off to a bad start.

As much as I would like to say that my days got better, it seems it just kept getting worse.  My friends had driven my car for thousands of miles making me have to replace things in it. All my mail has been returned and on and on it goes.

As always when I feel overwhelmed with things all I want to do is go run. Fortunately I always carry  running gear with me, because I know that no matter what happens, a few miles on the road has a way of making me feel better.  I run past my usual haunts, including my old apartment and my favorite coffee shop, which makes me nostalgic and reminds me this that I used call this home. Right now with everything that is going on, it is going to be a while before I feel that I am home.


About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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16 Responses to Home no longer feels like home

  1. eloisabunny says:

    Your page is user friendly. I like your blog post. Simple and easy to read. Looking forward for more post from you. If you have time, please visit my blog as well. Thank you 🙂


  2. joyroses13 says:

    Sorry that you are feeling bad. I hope things can turn around for you! Keep smiling even when its hard, the rainbow could be just around the corner!


  3. Ann Coleman says:

    I’m sorry your trip home started out so badly! I hope that things get better with time, and that you find a way to feel more positive about moving back.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Awww, Tania, I am so sorry you had such a bad trip coming back home and I’m sorry you are feeling so dismal. I truly hope things start looking up for you very soon and joy and happiness surprises you in a wonderful way!

    Liked by 1 person

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