It has been a few weeks since I have been back in the US and I have to say adjusting to being back has been harder than I thought it would be. Maybe it is the fact that I am still confused as to where I want to go or what I want to do or maybe that I just don’t want to live here anymore. I thought I would be able to pick up the pieces right where I left off. However, 6 months away didn’t give me any clarity as to where I want to go or what I want to do, but instead it has made it more complex.
I still dream about my months in Europe and in Sri Lanka and I wish I could pack my bags and just move there. But unfortunately reality is far different from dreams.
In order to try to get my mind back to being here and in hopes of adjusting, I sit sipping coffee at my favorite coffee shop, after which I go for a long run around the area trying to accept the reality of things .
I am trying to cling onto every ounce I have to stay focussed and adjust. I finally signed up to run a half marathon, one that I have done a few years in a row, hoping against hope that these little things that are familiar to me would be what would help me get my mind on track.
Running 13 miles is a great way to force your mind to think about everything besides running for miles. My mind drifts from one thing to another, but I finally just listen to my music and let my feet do what its supposed to.
Despite all of that and support from my friends, the struggle continues.
Maybe it is the fact that finding a job is taking its toll on me. I am trying to hold onto finding my dream job and writing 500 words as to why I should be hired is harder than I thought, even though I consider myself a writer. Apparently writing “I am awesome” does not count, not even if it is adds up to a 500 word count. :))
Even though I continue to say that I don’t want a job in a restaurant or food related, it seems those are the offers heading my way. I reluctantly turn them down, but take on some private gigs as a personal chef just to keep my sanity intact, because at the end writing, running, cooking/baking is what keeps me sane to a great extent.
My friends tell me that I am being hard on myself. I have to reluctantly agree, it has only been a few weeks since I have been back and adjusting takes time, after all I am only human. My lack of patience makes it hard to sit around waiting for things to happen. Maybe this is a lesson on patience and for me to accept that I am only human and most often things do work out at the end.