I finally call myself a runner

I never called myself a runner, at least not until recently. Despite the fact that I run miles and miles and have run numerous half marathons and a marathon  and training to run the Marine Corps Marathon this year, I felt uncomfortable considering myself a runner. My runs depended on my mood, the weather, free time and I could find every excuse to not run. But recently that all changed.

Maybe the fact that I am trying to push myself beyond my comfort zone to do things that has made me change my mind. I wake up at 6 am on a daily basis for a run, its raining outside, I still force myself to lace up my shoes and go run a few miles at least. It has been challenging to push myself beyond my comfort zone, but I am trying to force my mind to corporate with doing things that make me uncomfortable.


The fact that I am trying to embark on a journey of working for myself, to chase this dream I have had for years has not been easy either, but despite the fact that I get disheartened from time to time and ready to throw in the towel and crawl back to a 9-5 job, I am still holding my own trying to make it work out.

If someone had told me that working for myself would leave me with little time for anything besides working, I would have pooh-pooh the idea. However, even though everything I do, leaves me little time for writing, reading or fun stuff with friends, this is turning out to be quite a journey. I am learning my strengths and weaknesses and that my obsession for perfection is not always in my best interest. There are times I bake something and I find myself so unhappy with the end product that I remake it. My friends who have been my support system through all this, tell me that I am being too hard on myself, while they enjoy eating what I think is not up to my standards.

I feel that I have set a standard for my customers and I have to constantly strive to maintain that. If I have a catering gig, I drive myself crazy for days, about what I will make to how I will transport it and how I will ensure that it all comes together at the last-minute. Fortunately, my customers have trusted me enough to leave all the decision-making to me.

My best friend who lived out-of-state has moved back to try to help me get things off the ground. I have to confess my obsessive nature in the kitchen makes it hard. However, she has worked with me before so she understands that I am like a drill sergeant in a kitchen and want things to be right and perfect. I am working on learning to let go and learn to trust what she will do. But it is a natural instinct that I have when I am in a kitchen.

In order to distract myself from this obsession and just working all the time towards my goals, I decided to train for a marathon. I have wanted to run the Marine Corps Marathon for a very long time and since I seem to be on the road of doing things out of my comfort zone, this seemed like a good goal to add to my list.

Running has been my therapy for years, it will continue to be my therapy. But I am no longer a fair weather runner, I am a runner because I run no matter what. Running helped me heal my broken heart, but now I am hoping it will help me learn to enjoy this challenging journey I am on and not over working or over thinking. But no matter what happens, I am finally a runner and I run because I want to.


About my random musings

I am originally from South East Asia and I moved to the US about 15 years ago to follow my heart. My heart has since been broken a few times, but I continue to be on journey of trying to mend it. I could talk about running, baking or writing in a small crowd, but put me in a room full of strangers and I will be the one standing in a corner people watching. When I am not writing or running, I would be in my kitchen, flour strewn all over the kitchen counters, music playing in the background and me just rolling and folding dough, excited about what my creation will turn out to be. Besides that I love passionately, when I love, I give it my all, not always a good thing, but that is who I am. I jump both feet in and sometimes I come out with regrets but having learnt a lesson. I believe everything happens for a reason and this is my place to share bits and pieces of my life, my adventures and sometimes misadventures. Hope you enjoy reading my stories as much I enjoy sharing them with you.
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7 Responses to I finally call myself a runner

  1. dawnwairimu says:

    i totally relate — i don’t think of myself as a real runner even though i run 5-6 days a week and have completed 2 marathons. thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ann Coleman says:

    I’m glad you are claiming the runner’s identity! It is a huge part of who you are.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have always thought of you as a runner. It never occurred to me that you didn’t. I think you will do well with the Marine Corps marathon! Don’t be so hard on yourself when it comes to perfection. I’m sure that everything you cook is beyond anyone’s expectations. I wish you the best of luck with your business!

    Liked by 1 person

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