My friends or at least most of my friends always tell me I am very nice. Then again there are those who probably think I am not nice….those people better take a number and stand in line.
I have time to think about random things when I am out for a 10 or 15 mile run, I need something to focus on besides breathing, trying not to trip on the sidewalk or the music that’s playing. So I typically pick a subject and try to analyze the heck out of it while running.
I always wondered what makes me nice? Is it that no matter what I am always there for them ? Or maybe it is that I try most often to do the right thing and be considerate about people. But I realize all of this seems to stem from my inability to say no.
Therefore, Would they still think I am nice if I were to say no from time to time?
There is no doubt that being called nice and thoughtful is great, but sometimes I honestly don’t want to be nice. I want to be selfish and self-centered and do things that just make me happy and not worry about anyone else’s feelings.
I tend to be one of those people who will be at a stop light and give money to the homeless person standing there with a sign or fall for the most gullible story, even though I know that they are probably lying. Plus I am the one when a restaurant gets my order wrong, will point out that it is wrong but still refuse for it to be remade and walk off unhappy that I didn’t get what I want. That maybe due to the fact that I worked in the food industry and just don’t want the other person to feel bad that they made it wrong.
However, I decided that the time has come to take control and learn that saying no is ok. I want what I ordered and paid for…see thats easy right? At least typing it was easy, I will have to take it out to the real world and see how I do.
Even with friends, I need to learn that sometimes I have to say no….No I cannot watch your dog, no I cannot give you a ride at midnight because you drank too much, no I cannot lend you a 100$ and no I cannot let your kids/grandkids help me in the kitchen when I am baking for an order.
But it turns out saying no comes with a price. A friend recently asked me to come over and do my baking on a Friday while watching their 4 dogs and 3 cats, because they wanted to go away for the day. As hard as it was, I had to say no! Lugging all my baking pans, sugar, flour, nuts, eggs and baking in an unfamiliar kitchen was not something I was willing to do. I spend most of my Friday baking to get ready for the market on Saturday.
However, after I explained myself as to why I cannot do it, she has chosen to no longer talk to me. Now our friendship has been destroyed, merely by the use of that 2 letter word.
I question myself about it. Could I have been more accommodating? I really don’t know the right answer to that. I mentioned my dilemma to one of my best friends and he supports my saying no, but then again he is one who constantly tells me that I have to say no, because he claims that people take advantage of my niceness.
While I want to continue to be nice and do the right thing and help friends or strangers, I am going to continue to say no from time to time and try not to feel guilty about it. I can only hope that the rest of my friends don’t get offended by that.
And that food I ordered that was wrong, I did go back and get it corrected.
I understand that saying no is very tough for most of us and the struggle is real, but I believe that we can still be nice and decent to one another and yet exercise our right to say no from time to time.