My friends or at least most of my friends always tell me I am very nice. Then again there are those who probably think I am not nice….those people better take a number and stand in line.
I have time to think about random things when I am out for a 10 or 15 mile run, I need something to focus on besides breathing, trying not to trip on the sidewalk or the music that’s playing. So I typically pick a subject and try to analyze the heck out of it while running.
I always wondered what makes me nice? Is it that no matter what I am always there for them ? Or maybe it is that I try most often to do the right thing and be considerate about people. But I realize all of this seems to stem from my inability to say no.
Therefore, Would they still think I am nice if I were to say no from time to time?
There is no doubt that being called nice and thoughtful is great, but sometimes I honestly don’t want to be nice. I want to be selfish and self-centered and do things that just make me happy and not worry about anyone else’s feelings.
I tend to be one of those people who will be at a stop light and give money to the homeless person standing there with a sign or fall for the most gullible story, even though I know that they are probably lying. Plus I am the one when a restaurant gets my order wrong, will point out that it is wrong but still refuse for it to be remade and walk off unhappy that I didn’t get what I want. That maybe due to the fact that I worked in the food industry and just don’t want the other person to feel bad that they made it wrong.
However, I decided that the time has come to take control and learn that saying no is ok. I want what I ordered and paid for…see thats easy right? At least typing it was easy, I will have to take it out to the real world and see how I do.
Even with friends, I need to learn that sometimes I have to say no….No I cannot watch your dog, no I cannot give you a ride at midnight because you drank too much, no I cannot lend you a 100$ and no I cannot let your kids/grandkids help me in the kitchen when I am baking for an order.
But it turns out saying no comes with a price. A friend recently asked me to come over and do my baking on a Friday while watching their 4 dogs and 3 cats, because they wanted to go away for the day. As hard as it was, I had to say no! Lugging all my baking pans, sugar, flour, nuts, eggs and baking in an unfamiliar kitchen was not something I was willing to do. I spend most of my Friday baking to get ready for the market on Saturday.
However, after I explained myself as to why I cannot do it, she has chosen to no longer talk to me. Now our friendship has been destroyed, merely by the use of that 2 letter word.
I question myself about it. Could I have been more accommodating? I really don’t know the right answer to that. I mentioned my dilemma to one of my best friends and he supports my saying no, but then again he is one who constantly tells me that I have to say no, because he claims that people take advantage of my niceness.
While I want to continue to be nice and do the right thing and help friends or strangers, I am going to continue to say no from time to time and try not to feel guilty about it. I can only hope that the rest of my friends don’t get offended by that.
And that food I ordered that was wrong, I did go back and get it corrected.
I understand that saying no is very tough for most of us and the struggle is real, but I believe that we can still be nice and decent to one another and yet exercise our right to say no from time to time.
Yes!! sometimes we need to say No.
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It’s a hard lesson to learn and to adhere to, but you have to start at some point.
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You are very nice Shweta and saying no makes you still more nice
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Thank you. Saying no is the hardest thing for me, but i am learning that it is ok.
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You are welcome very welcome. I have found a blogger who I should follow closely
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A friend who dumps you, even temporarily, for not granting her a favor is no friend at all. You know what you can and can’t do, and she should trust your judgement. In my opinion, you are nice, but your ex-friend is not!
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Thank you Ann. A persons true colors are not always easy to see through, but most often the facade falls off at some point. At least I’ve figured it out sooner than later.
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I agree with Grabety, she wasn’t your friend to begin with. Stick to your guns and say NO when you need to say NO for yourself and don’t feel one bit bad about it!
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Thank you PJ. Saying no is just not easy for me, I always feel like I’m letting someone down. But I’m learning that people want to take advantage of that fact and I need to say NO.
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Absolutely! I am like you, it’s hard for me to say no but I am getting better at it as I get older.
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PJ you’re getting better as you get older, I’m getting worse, I’m getting more mellow as I age and a lot of friends who have known me for a long time are always surprised.
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You’re getting better Tania you just don’t realize it but you are! 🙂
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If your ‘friend’ stopped being your ‘friend’ for that little reason, ma’am, she was never your friend. Great post! Yes, there is nothing wrong with saying no. It doesn’t make you ‘mean’ unless the reason you said ‘no’ was to be mean. You go! More power to you!
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Thank you. I do agree that my ‘friend’ wasn’t a real friend and maybe I am better off without such friendships. This is test for me and maybe my friendships too. Thank you for reading.
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